We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize