we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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