i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
