If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
