I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
