help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
