Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
