last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
