Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
