he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
