Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
