Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
