I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
