"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
