The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
