Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
