i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
