omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
