How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
