This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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