yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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