Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
