Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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