Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
