It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You ruined the universe
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
