ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
