there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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