I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
