I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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