Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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