I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
