I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
