i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
