And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I need a burrito and a hug.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
