I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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