Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
