i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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