a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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