Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
