woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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