Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
