i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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