Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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