If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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