Four minutes until I can fart!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
