i permit you to call me
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize