batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize