yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
