final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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