How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
