He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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