so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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