thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
