a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize