these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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