her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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