a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
