Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
