drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
