that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
