Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
