i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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