So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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