I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
