Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
