I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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