it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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