omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
