the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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