This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
