i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
