exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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