So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
