the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
