I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
