omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
